HAPPY BIRTHDAY BLUES

Crying actually helps your eye lashes grow, according to an old wives’ tale. Maybe that was why I was awash in tears on the morning of my birthday. My eyelashes had been thinning lately and perhaps the condition instinctively sent signals to my body’s cells to move into repair mode?

Science says that is probably a long shot. Tears don’t seem to have any nutritional values. But they do have benefits, says the publication, WOMEN’S HEALTH.

 “Emotional tears have higher levels of stress hormones in them, according to the American Academy of Ophthalmology, which means you literally get rid of stress as you cry.” 

I don’t think it was stress that caused my weepy birthday outburst, but further investigation showed that crying does offer relief from whatever else might ail you. As I dwelled on the subject, my unexplained sadness continued to deepen throughout the day with each “HAPPY BIRTHDAY” greeting, text and voicemail I received.

“Hope you have the best day,” all my lovely well wishers expressed to me. I was grateful for all their kindness. I simply could not deliver on their expectations.

“ How is your birthday going,” enthused another one close friend, clearly confident it was going great.

“ I woke up crying,” I said.

“Oh, that’s not good,” she said, both surprised and saddened for me “ Why?” she asked.

I started to go through all the reasons I could think of that would precipitate such a reaction on what is supposed to be a celebratory occasion.

1. My late husband used to wake me with champagne, presents and festive plans on my birthday each year and, honestly, I missed that. Feeling that special, that is.

2. And, no one called me to do anything today. Nobody!

Now that problem is definitely worthy of a little cry according to AI.

“Birthdays can become a litmus test for who cares, and a lack of acknowledgment or presence from friends and family can feel like a rejection.”

EXACTLY!

“Well, who would have ever thought you didn’t have something fabulous already planned for yourself,” explained one friend.

Well, Quite. By reputation, I am a planner.

“I’m driving up right now to have dinner with you,” promised another fast friend.

Now she lives 4 hours away, so I stopped her, of course, but loved that she offered to readily embark on such a thoughtful pilgrimage to lift my spirits.

In truth, it was all my fault. I believe it is important to celebrate life’s hallmark occasions- Christmas, Thanksgiving- birthdays. And I usually do. I actually start reminding people months in advance of my birthday. It might sound a bit obnoxious, but, that way, people remember and I’m never disappointed. I even have one little intimate group who learned (to be fair, I told them) that it was my birthday the night we met and ever since they have insisted on celebrating with me each year during my birthday week. Why not a week? I try to put up the Christmas early in the Fall too to squeeze out every ounce of good cheer the Christmas season has to offer.  

But this year I chose to make no birthday plans at all. For some reason it felt conspicuous at this age. Almost like an imposition. We’re all so busy and self involved. It’s a bit presumptuous to think it would even matter to anyone else what day of the year it was. I mean, I’m not five years old. I can say this was a sad revelation that I had never considered before given my child like appreciation of all things celebratory. Until now.

“It’s not uncommon to feel sad on your birthday,” offered AI, “even though it’s supposed to be a joyous occasion. This phenomenon, often called “birthday blues,” can stem from a variety of factors, including the pressure to have a perfect day, the reflection on aging and past experiences, and feelings of loneliness or unmet expectations.”

Hm. Let’s just check all the boxes here.

Then another dear friend offered her position on birthdays which was a sobering but inspirational thought.

 “I look at birthdays much like I look at New Years‘s. It’s a time to reflect. Take stock. And plan ahead.”

AI reminded me how many great authors look at birthdays, 

“suggest (ing) birthdays mark the journey from birth to discovering one’s purpose, and serve as a poignant reminder to live fully in the present moment and celebrate the preciousness of each day.”

Speaking of celebrating. As the day moved on, more birthday greetings arrived. Flowers and cards too. My spirits rose substantially mid afternoon when two usually unsentimental members of my family sent messages that they hoped we could all dine together that evening..

I hesitated for nary a nano second before agreeing to the unexpected but delightful offer. I didn’t even care that they might have been feeling sorry for me. That it was a sympathy play. I was dressed and out the door in a flash.

But the words of my practical friend stayed with me. Birthdays are more than parties and presents. They do mark a place in time.  To reflect over things that have been lost and are now sorely missed. And to recognize and cherish those lovely things that remain. As far as looking ahead-well, I think it’s best to be true to one’s self. So, as a perpetual planner of festive occasions I will not feel conspicuous about celebrating next year, or any year thereafter, and inviting everyone I care about to do it with me. All through the week. Beginning August 3rd. That’s AUGUST 3rd. And no need to jot it down. You can bet I’ll remind you.