WHY ME?

WHY ME?

It’s a question anyone might ask when confronted with bad news. And it’s exactly what Supermodel Elle Macpherson thought at one time too.

“Nobody thinks it is going to happen to them,” said Macpherson, describing her shock when she was told she had breast cancer. Macpherson, once famously dubbed THE BODY by TIME MAGAZINE, made that comment to 60 MINUTES AUSTRALIA, where she emphasized that most women would react exactly as she had. That is, questioning why this was happening to her. 

But, “why not her,” said a great friend of mine. Quite. Why not her? Why not anyone? 

According to the National Cancer Institute, “In 2021, there were an estimated 17,435,314 people living with cancer in the United States.” Further studies suggest that 40 percent of us will develop cancer in our lifetime. 

But if not cancer, then what’s to say another tragedy might not alter the course of your life? A different life threatening disease, for instance, or an accident, the loss of a loved one, divorce or even getting fired from your job. Given the almost inevitable odds of facing some crisis sometime in our lives, it is interesting that it is always such a shock when it eventually happens.

 “I live a gentle life,” my Mother explained to her doctor after being thunderstruck by suffering a stroke at age 87. 

“How could this have happened to me,” she implored.

“Stuff just wears out,” he answered.

Poor bedside manner aside – as we were not talking about automobile parts here – I dare say he was simply being truthful and realistic. Stuff does wear out. SH-Happens as the expression goes. That’s life. So why not mentally prepare for it a little better than we do? Not in a way that traumatizes us, like Chicken Little, who constantly exclaimed, “the sky is falling, the sky is falling.” How exhausting that must have been. Always looking over your shoulder, or in his case, over his head, expecting the worst. 

However, according to hypnotherapist Regina Brancado-Dunderdale. there are benefits to recognizing that “bad things” do happen and in that recognition you find the power to act rather than become paralyzed by the shock of our misfortune.

“Do you say to yourself:

“I have no choice.”

Or

“There’s nothing I can do.”

Or even:

“It’s not my fault.”

If the answer is “Yes” to all three questions then you have what I call the “Why Me?” syndrome,” says Brancado-Dunderdale.

But she explains that the “ Why Me” syndrome is really just a mindset. A powerful one, no doubt. One that robs you of control. But a mindset that can be deliberately altered to aid you in getting the result that you want from the unexpected crisis that has befallen you. 

“Even though it wasn’t your fault.

Even though you didn’t deserve it.

Even though you didn’t ask for it,” says Brancado-Dunderdale.

She adds that you can change your negative mindset “by understanding and accepting that everything that happens to you is YOUR responsibility,”

“When you are in this mindset,” says Brancado-Dundeedale, “you take back control.And when you are in control it allows you to have the resources to support you in finding a solution to the issue.

What can I do to solve it?

How do I solve it?

Who can help me solve it?”

Which is what a great friend of mine did when she was handed her own cancer diagnosis.

“{I} have the best type of cancer…early detection, contained,” she wrote me. “ I’ll meet with the radiologist next week to determine the treatment and meds. 

I GOT THIS,” she said.

Although my friend’s reaction to her diagnosis is magnificent and inspirational, her discovery of it in her 60’s is a fate shared by many. 

Scientists say be prepared for health challenges at two important times in our lives- according to NBC’S Linda Carroll quoting from a study published in NATURE AGING conducted at Stanford University.

“While it’s obvious that you’re aging throughout your entire life, there are two big periods where things really shift,” said the study’s senior author, Michael Snyder, a professor of genetics and director of the Center for Genomics and Personalized Medicine at Stanford Medicine. For example, “there’s a big shift in the metabolism of lipids when people are in their 40s and in the metabolism of carbohydrates when people are in their 60s.”

Forewarned is forearmed as the saying goes, but do not panic. Prepare. When I asked, even AI believed we could circumvent depression and find a benefit in expecting/accepting a certain amount of personal tragedy in life rather than being gobsmacked by it.

“Expecting a certain amount of difficulty doesn’t mean becoming pessimistic or cynical. Instead, it’s about developing mental frameworks and emotional tools to cope when crisis does strike. This way, you’re not blindsided or overwhelmed to the point of paralysis.”

The actor Michael J Fox developed early onset Parkinson’s disease in 1991 at the age of 29 while shooting a movie and noticing a tremor in his pinky finger. He had everything going for him at that point and, like anyone, might have privately lamented, “why me,” but publicly and bravely said, 

“I often say now I don’t have any choice whether or not I have Parkinson’s, but surrounding that non-choice is a million other choices that I can make.”

The idea of facing a crisis head on is the first step in creating a resilient character. No easy task, of course. But “what’s the alternative?” said another friend of mine who was told she had a catastrophic cancer. She’s had operations, radiation, immunotherapy and entered a cancer trial her doctors believe will extend her life. I often tell her how courageous and proactive she is. And her consistently exuberant responses are always one form or another of “Of course I am!” 

She has built resilience. AI says that is something we can all develop.

“Resilience is often understood as the ability to adapt and recover from adversity, but it’s not something we’re necessarily born with—it can be cultivated. There’s value in accepting that hardship and personal tragedy are inevitable parts of life. When we acknowledge this reality, it allows us to shift from a mindset of avoidance to one of preparation and adaptability.”

In other words, “You got this.”