Dating: The New World Order

Let me introduce a new element to the burningdaylight.blog series of columns, called Dar & Dor, featuring we two radio gals who are back together, minus the radio! Darlene McCarthy Barnfield and Doreen Iudica Vigue still can’t/won’t shut up. So, we’re continuing our conversation here once a week for those who remember us fondly and for newcomers to our special sass/sauce. McCarthy & Vigue/DAYTIME DIVAS, the sequel of sorts.

DAR – Dor, you are so happily married that I am sure this thought has never even entered your mind…BUT, for the purposes of our conversation (keep this from the hubby, okay?) what if Peter wasn’t here? And you had to re-enter the dating world at this “late” juncture in life? Would you necessarily do it? In the new world order fashion, that is,-online? 

• Photo: Metaweb / GNU Free Documentation License

DOR – I’d go on dating apps if the spirit moved me. That seems to be the most efficient, yet utterly frightening way these days to make a match. I’d also, of course, ask friends if they knew anyone worthy, and, just to stay SHARP, I would flirt my head off. I had a man wink at me at the coffee shop the other day and can I tell you it was quite a little thrill. So, to summarize: I would go on apps, ask friends for worthy referrals, flirt, and gladly accept a wink at the coffee shop. Oh, and at Trader Joe’s. That crowd seems winky and daring.  

DAR – Much like you.

DOR –  Just think of online dating as a business transaction or an exercise not unlike picking out upholstery. You know the good stuff when you see it, so why not go for the sample?  You’re welcome. Not everyone gets a fabric metaphor, you know. Now get out there and land a Big Fish! 

DAR – Ah, yes, fish. I have a story about that later, but, first, thanks for the encouragement, pal, even though I don’t think I can do it. The whole online romance thing seems so conspicuous and sad. Take, for example, a potential dating candidate shown to me by a friend which featured a picture of the fella who (stark naked and “at rest” if  you get my meaning) dives off a cliff to, I guess, show his athletic prowess? Then there was a profoundly proud sportsman triumphantly holding up his newly caught prized fish. Congrats on the catch, mate, but I’m a carnivore.

DOR – Dar, let me first pull myself off the floor where I was rolling around laughing at those last two sentences. I am now envisioning a naked fisherman – which could get quite dangerous if you don’t know how to swing your, ahh, hook. 😉 As for dating again after a long marriage, it’s so intensely personal. I think you’ll know when and if you’re ready to bring someone new into your life. I think, like anything, if it’s worth doing, it’s going to be work. So dig in. I think “leaving it to fate” could be long and drawn out. And we’re instagrati girls (instant gratification. I just made that up.) You’re welcome. 

DAR – Ha! We SO are. Back to romance: folks of all ages seem to be more proactive than ever and I have some stats to prove it. GOOGLE says 45% of respondents to a survey said on-line dating was their preferred method for finding a partner, followed by 33% who met through a friend and 32% who found a love match at a concert. Which one, please? (Asking for a friend.) However a whopping number of GEN Exers and Millennials-87%-wished they could meet the man or woman of their dreams the old fashioned way. As an aside, DOR, does it mean something is wrong with you if you are single instead of coupled? There is not one friend who I see whose first question upon getting together is never,” where are you traveling, what have you read lately” or even, “what’s new?” It’s almost always, “Are you seeing anyone? ” And I always feel I’ve let them down somehow when I first answer “YES” but then have to amend my response because the majority of men who have asked me out-stunningly-turned out to be already taken. And  I don’t mean casually taken either. I mean actually married, engaged, or living with someone. Honestly, when has that scenario ever been attractive?

DOR – We are not ‘kiss a lot of frogs first’ kind of gals, are we?  Nor are we ‘the other woman.’ We don’t need men in our lives if it will cost us our dignity. Unless it’s George Clooney. Or Lenny Kravitz. For Clooney or Kravitz, dignity can show itself to the door. To answer your question, tho. There’s nothing wrong with being alone, but there is everything wrong with asking such a personal question right off the bat. It seems like those women may already know the answer and may secretly thrill in it. I don’t like them for you. Do you need me to have a word? 

DAR -I love it when you go all “Mama Bear Protector” on me. Perhaps your sneaky suspicion is true. If I was dating Colin Farrell (🤞) or The Donald (don’t faint) everyone would know, right? No need to ask, in other words. Back to George now…it reminds me that I read recently about another actor-this one from GAME OF THRONES fame – who did find love on the internet and is now happily married. Mazel Tov! And I know a family member, who after many dates culled online, is now blissfully happy with the last man she met “OUT THERE.” But so many other stories seem downright nightmarish. Including one detailed in THE TELEGRAPH newspaper from London about a self confessed online dating addict named Andy who said, “My friends and I used to have contests about who could get the most dates – I’d line up three women over the weekend, sometimes dating one girl in the afternoon and one at night,” he explains. What’s more, says Andy to the newspaper, “After scoring so many dates, Andy kept track of the women he was speaking to and seeing in an extensive spreadsheet, from the S tier (best looking) to D tier (the least attractive). Andy sheepishly revealed that if a woman’s name is in bold, it means they had sex (the spreadsheet has plenty of bold.) A friend of mine didn’t need to hear that story to make up her mind. “I  will never date online,” my pal said. “I am afraid of frauds and dangerous people – I will rely on my friends to introduce me to people they know and can vouch for. I’d rather be single forever than take a risk on the internet.”

DOR– The Telegraph. Hmmm. Is Prince Randy Andy being naughty again? Would not surprise me. (If you haven’t yet, see SCOOP on Netflix about the spectacular takedown of Randy Andy by three female journos at the BBC). It was a worthy digression. You’ll love it!

DAR –  I did, and also the documentary about the making of SCOOP. Both excellent. Andy was so handsome when he was young. A bit charming too. But age and privileged pedigrees make for extreme arrogance at some point, eh? Back to my friend’s aversion to online dating apps. Stay focused, Madam.

DOR – Look, we’re all afraid of dangerous whackos. I see her point. But since we’re all burning daylight here, I think “nothing ventured, nothing gained” should be your mantra. 

DAR –  I will confess I must be giving out the right vibe. A fellow golfer (a stranger) said hello on the golf course and then suddenly announced that he was available to date. “Nothing ventured,” as you say. But he was well over 80, and as the expected lifespan for men in America is 76 I didn’t think it would be the wisest of investments. Too picky? 

DOR – Isn’t 80 the new 60?  Was he charming, well dressed and properly manscaped? No visible ear hair? Have a glass of wine with the man! The only investment you need to make is 30 minutes. Have some chat. Maybe get a stock tip. What’s the worst that can happen? You can definitely outrun him! 

DAR – You’re killing me.

DOR – In all seriousness, addressing the Big Picture in this overall discussion, I think when you meet someone you click with, comfortable companionship with pre-approved benefits would be nice: Dinners, golfing, plays, museums, trips to Santarpios, ETC.  But then everyone retreats to their own corners after the afterglow. The thought of ever sharing my home with someone new is unsettling. Not just because of the enormous emotional toll that would take on me, but because there is only one man’s socks I shall ever pick up. That’s what it comes down to for me: If you need a caretaker, George/Lenny, I sadly am not your girl. But I do love the idea of a house strewn with Lenny Kravitz’s discarded leather pants. On that note… 

Love ya. Mean it. Gotta Go. XOXXO