Act Old Later

Age is so much more than a number. I was suddenly awakened to that concept just the other day when for the first time – now that I am in my 60’s – I calmly recognized that I had already lived many more years than I had left. Which is to say, I am getting old. I am not sure what part of that equation surprises me the most though, actually recognizing my age or feeling nonchalant about it. But, as my wise Father always used to say, “Getting older certainly beats the alternative.”

The great British writer, Ian McEwan, discussed this very thing with a reporter from the DAILY TELEGRAPH, Mick Brown, who asked him at what point did McEwan first realize he was old.

“Aha! Good question!’ McEwan, who will be 75 later this week, gives a rueful smile. ‘I think I was a late adopter…” 

I know exactly what he means! I passed middle age thinking I was still young.

McEwan said he started to feel “old-er” about two years ago after finding he couldn’t stand up but now had to sit down when he put on his socks or when he started grunting when he heaved himself up from a chair. 

‘But seriously,” said MeEwan, “for most of my life  in the mornings before I was properly awake, my sense was that my default age without actually naming it was 30, 32. But when you lose that ghost sense and you go to shave, and oh! There you are again… I’m now past that point. I no longer think I’m 32.’

And I am no longer 45, which is the “ghost number” I had always adopted until, well, I just couldn’t in good conscience delude myself any longer. Curious about when others I know first realized that they were old I started close to home and asked my mother, who is 92,  when she felt her age.

“I never did,” she said. Now this is a woman is a wobbly walker at best,  but she just doesn’t equate physical instability with old age. She keeps telling me she’ll be better soon and that walker of hers will be a thing of the past. It’s an attitude she could have learned from the clever writer and thinker, Mark Twain who famously said, “Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.”

A beautiful, slim, exuberant friend of mine said, “I think 65 was the start (for me). At 60 I still felt vibrant – kinda still in my 50s/40s. Once 65, it’s like we are on our way to 70. Yikes!!”

Research reported by the internet site Study Finds shows that most folks start to feel older much younger than that. Although one British study actually found women started feeling old at 29, which is ridiculous, unless it is a fertility issue. But social scientists say “The average American actually starts feeling old at the age of 47,” according to Study Finds. ” And worrying about age- related bodily changes at 50.” Which is exactly what another friend expressed when I queried her about when she started to feel something akin to ancient.  

“Not sure, just know that it’s harder to recover from injuries and to have lots of energy, since age 55.”

The same goes for a very fit man in his early 60’s who said although he felt pretty good he found that he was experiencing a small decline in his athletic prowess. No plans for Everest in other words. “But when I look in the mirror,” he said, “I know I’m old!” Mirrors, like numbers don’t lie.

Despite that, research reveals that most respondents, when asked what they feared most about getting on in years, were not worried about losing their youthful looks, but rather, losing their minds, showing every age has its own priorities. 

After I spoke with several people about the age issue one of them had a question for me.

“Definition of old has many meanings, don’t you think?”

Yes, I thought. I might feel old now. But it’s a Tina Turner -Helen Mirren-even Mick Jagger kind of old. Certainly not a Ma and Pa Kettle old.

McEwan echoed that same sentiment in his interview by addressing something he says matters most as men and women age. “The great temptation of being old, he says, is behaving old.” Unlike Tina, Helen and Mick. Or his dear friend, the late writer Martin Amis who lived fully and ferociously despite his cancer.

“Amis had been remarkable about dying” (at 73) he told the paper.  “He didn’t want to talk about symptoms or death; he was engaged in the world right up till the end. He’d read all of Edith Wharton a few months back. He read the world’s press every day. He was reading Robert Tombs’ book The English and their History, so we had exchanges about that. So his mental acuity in the midst of such terrible suffering was extraordinary. He had no talent for self-pity.’

McEwan counts family, writing and friends as the things that drive him most. “We’ve lost two or three important friends this year. So that sense of not having much time left, so you’d better get on with the things that really matter – that’s important.’”

Although many may dread aging and others may even dismiss the elderly as less valuable than the young, for me, old or older age can and should act as an incentive to live fuller, faster lives filled with greater conviction toward a quality life because of and in spite of the racing pace of the clock.