That Kick In The Pants Moment

If the start of the new year has not provided the necessary incentive to improve yourself, then perhaps a proper “kick in the pants” will. This event is usually an involuntary one, because, really, who is deliberately seeking pain or chaos? Nonetheless, most of us could probably benefit from such a remarkable event. My most recent KITP moment arrived with the tragic news that Tatiana Kennedy Schlossberg had died at the shockingly young age of 35.

She didn’t even get close to living all the years I have, I thought. How awful it would have been to have missed out on the last three decades of my life. 

To have never met and married my wonderful husband. Traveled around the world or lived abroad. Had the supreme gifts of nieces, nephews and step sons as well as siblings. An interesting career. A hole in one. Or enjoyed the countless glorious friendships, family and experiences that have done nothing but enrich my life.

Tatiana’s death hits hard, not only because she had so much more living to do, but because the Kennedys are Massachusetts royalty and have been fixtures in the lives of everyone who has lived in Massachusetts since JFK was elected president back in the 60’s. Whether running into members of the Kennedy clan on Cape Cod (one of whom actually -accidentally- hit my father with a golf ball – he was exceptionally apologetic) or watching in horror as the search for JFK Jr’s plane unfolded on TV off our coast, this arms length proximity to them means we have felt their tragedies and triumphs more acutely than most. We feel attached to them in a distant but visceral way. Tatiana’s mother, Caroline, is of my vintage and we are both still alive while her daughter is not. 

So, it is no surprise that Tatiana’s death functioned as a “kick in the pants” moment reminding me about how much I am grateful for and to live life more “intentionally” going forward. Nurturing relationships, saying YES to new things and perhaps embarking on challenges that may seem scary at first but could potentially deliver something exhilarating and purposeful. Being aggravatingly positive too. They say the brain is what you feed it. More precisely, says AI, “Your brain’s neuroplasticity means focusing on optimism strengthens happy pathways, while focusing on fear strengthens anxiety pathways.”

With 2026 still so brand spankingly new you might be naturally inclined to see what you could do to improve your life by making any number of resolutions. One of the best comes from Oliver Burkeman who asked his readers in London’s THE GUARDIAN newspaper to consider the SIMPLE (his words) SECRET TO BEING HAPPY.

“I have a proposal to make,” writes Burkeman, ”2026 should be the year that you spend more time doing what you want.”

WHAAAAT??? 

“Possibly you consider yourself far too busy even to think about spending time in ways you’d enjoy,” says Burkeman, “and you wonder what sort of monster of privilege could even raise the notion.”

But Burkeman’s argument is a solid one. 

“The new year should be the moment we commit to dedicating more of our finite hours on the planet to things we genuinely, deeply enjoy doing – to the activities that seize our interest, and that make us feel vibrantly alive. This should be the year you stop trying so hard to turn yourself into a better person, and focus instead on actually leading a more absorbing life.”

This suggestion does not negate “self improvement.” It actually demands it. He simply wants you to change your mindset about how you achieve it, which may result in a success you have not experienced before. If losing weight has been your goal for years, stop repeating what has failed in the past and do something new, like actually cooking healthy meals instead of focusing on denial of your sugary treats. You’d get a new skill and a smaller waistline. A twofer as it were.

“Consider first the hidden logic of the conventional approach to self-improvement and habit change,” says Burkeman, “ – the approach that, if it actually worked, would presumably have destroyed the market for further books and courses on self-improvement some time ago.”

Quite.

Burkeman adds that traditional goal setting begins “from the premise that there’s something badly wrong with you, which you need to fix. Then it prescribes the daily behaviours that – were you to follow them with sufficient discipline – might eventually lead you to the point at which you’d be an acceptable member of humanity, and could therefore relax.”

And how about those grueling exercise programs you hate? “Are there forms of movement you naturally enjoy,” asks Burkeman, “and might only need to do a bit more often, or more intensely?” rather than dreading that extra mile you’ve promised yourself you would run daily.

If your resolution is to spend less time mindlessly scrolling on the internet, then he has a novel approach to that as well and it has less to do with sheer discipline (which can wane) and more to do with broadening your interest range. 

“A much more reliable way to stay offline is just to be doing things so engaging that it wouldn’t occur to you to drift online in the first place,” says Burkeman.  “On the few magical days in 2025 that I realised I’d forgotten where my phone even was,” says the writer, “it was because I’d become so immersed in reading or writing or conversation or nature that the thought of it had left my mind entirely.”

Burkeman quotes the New York Times columnist David Brooks who said, “don’t try to say ‘no’ to the trivial distractions you find on the information smorgasbord; try to say ‘yes’ to the subject that arouses a terrifying longing, and let the terrifying longing crowd out everything else.” 

Who knows what your kick in the pants moment might be. But I am sure it would prove productive. A great friend of mine has a unique way of creating KITP moments. When she  encounters someone with desire but no follow through she often asks, 

What Are You Waiting For? A simple but thought provoking question.

Burkeman gets the last word here about the most profound and perhaps best “Kick In The Pants” moment to consider.

“It’s not clear what life is really for at all, if it isn’t for doing more of whatever makes you feel most alive.”

Hard to argue with that.

Happy 2026 and good luck with that resolution, whatever it might be