“ I really wish you hadn’t told me that,” is how one sorry chap reacted when actress and model Brooke Shields revealed her age to him. According to Shields, prior to that moment, their interaction had been flirtatious and “hopeful” by all accounts. Imagine then, how unsettling it was to witness budding romance slashed through the heart by one little “age” admission.
It happened to me once too. Like Brooke’s beau, this man was hugely playful and seemingly keen when – out of the blue – he asked how old I was.
“About your age,” I said.
As the light faded from his eyes I thought the whole scenario might have been a tiny bit funny had it not been so unfairly judgemental.
It’s a concept that Brooke Shields explores in her new book, “Brooke Shields Is Not Allowed To Get Old.” She talked to GOOD MORNING AMERICA about her reaction to her unsuccessful date. And found -like size- age really does matter, even when it shouldn’t.
Shields believes this reaction to her age can only be explained by the male outlook that requires women must always remain appealing to men. Which translates into “young.” She, however, “had the gall to actually live to 59,” which could not match up with men’s preconceived plan for women remaining young forever. “When you don’t, said Shields, “somehow you’re disappointing.”
She wonders, “Do men want us to die when we reach a certain age?”
Maybe not die exactly, but certainly disappear, eh?
Shields laments the public’s constant refusal to see her in any way other than how she did in BLUE LAGOON. Shields was only 14 years old when she made that film about sexual awakening. And in her interview as well as in her book she suggests that’s exactly where men would have liked her to remain. Shields said the biggest misconception about aging as women, in her opinion, is that “we’ve had a good run” and that they’re “sort of put out to pasture.”
Sex therapist Marie Morice wrote in the SUNDAY TELEGRAPH that she clearly concurs.
“The culture here encourages us to think of women, in particular, as sexual beings only when they’re youthful, with taut skin and no responsibilities. The moment women have children, or go through the menopause, they’re placed in another box: nurturers, not creatures of desire.”
The creator of the TV program SEX IN THE CITY, Candace Bushnell, is a dating veteran of the highest order. In an article printed in THE CUT she describes speaking with an older man who professed to liking women of all ages but felt more sympatico with women much younger than he.
“Not that there’s anything wrong with it, but after menopause a lot of women aren’t that interested in sex, while men still are,” he said. “For a guy like me, having sex is like cheating death.”
No need to create an excuse for sex, but, if you do, that is certainly a nifty, if not novel one.
”The best match for a man my age is a woman in her mid-20s,” he added. “We have the most in common.”
I was breathless to hear more.
“I’ve been married twice,” he revealed “and don’t want to get married again and definitely don’t want more kids, and chances are a 25-year-old woman isn’t ready to get married and have kids, so we understand each other.”
Fair enough.
And truth be told, there is now a lot of new research showing that both men and women are not that different in their quest for younger partners. I mean, what woman actively seeks out a man bearing all the telltale signs of the elderly – like a shiny bald head, a tummy tumbling over waistbands or a bedroom performance dependent solely on pharmaceuticals instead of youthful spontaneous combustion?
(For the record, I have no problem with sexy bald heads.)
It’s a question researcher, Prof Paul Eastwick, who runs the Attraction and Relationships Research Laboratory at the University of California, studied with surprising results.
“This preference for youth among women will be shocking to many people because, in mixed-gender couples, men tend to be older than women, plus women generally say they prefer older partners. But women’s preferences on the dates themselves revealed something else entirely.”
Like a growing number of women observed in the study, actress Sienna Miller also wanted to go younger. She is dating a man 15 years her junior, and had this to say to HARPER’S BAZAAR about why this romantic partnership works.
“There is a difference in the way [his] generation of men respect women,” said Miller. Unlike during her rise to stardom when she was confronted with a different mentality.
“I could talk myself into all sorts of shapes to make the men in the room feel comfortable. And God forbid that you offend a man’s ego by rejecting them,” she says. “It was a slightly belittling time.”
But when she met her younger partner she just felt more comfortable with him than men her own age .
“It’s specific to him, he is very wise and well-adjusted, but I do believe it’s also that generation. They have grown up with a slightly more level playing field. I see it in his female friends as well as in the men.”
Sex Therapist Marie Morice would applaud Miller’s position and is determined to change archaic attitudes about age by encouraging women to be more like herself, A French woman who does not obsess about staying 25 forever. Like 62-year old Sylvie of Emily in Paris. Or the 72-year old actress, Isabelle Huppert.
“They’re chic, sophisticated women,” says Morice, who now function as role models.
“French women embrace the freedom of midlife and beyond, once their children are older – it’s a time for us. Rediscovering yourself as a sexual being is essential to keep sex alive in long-term relationships, and it starts with not writing yourself off because you’ve hit un certain age.”
OUI, OUI, mes amis.
The on-going speculation about the sexual persuasion of France’s first lady – whose husband is more than two decades her junior- plays right into this prejudice about women aging out, says Eleanor Mills in the LONDON TELEGRAPH.
“It’s just straightforward, old-fashioned misogyny. Ultimately, it comes down to the world not being prepared to accept that an attractive, intelligent, ambitious young man could fall in love – and want to spend his life with – a woman 24 years his senior. Are older women so repulsive that, to marry one, the man must be gay and the woman a bloke?” asks Morice?
If you are wondering what the ideal age gap is for romantic partners, here you go. 3000 couples were studied by The Journal of Population Economics to determine the perfect age disparity for long term happiness.
“Here’s the short version,” reports Sarah Avi of Free Jupiter.Com.
“Couples with a smaller age gap—specifically between 0 to 3 years—tended to be the happiest over time.”
Interesting.
“When partners were close in age they were more likely to stick together, face life’s challenges as a team, and report higher levels of emotional satisfaction,” writes Avi. “Think about it: if you’re going through similar life experiences at the same time, it’s easier to relate to each other.”
Which does not mean that huge age gaps prevent couples from being deliriously happy with one another, because there is so much more to successful relationships than simply age.
So tell that to “the one who got away” from Brooke Shields.😉
Burning Daylight 