No one loves a social gathering more than me, but I draw the line at this new trend which sees friends of first time grandmothers ( no matter how fabulous, Jane and Goldie) throwing parties for them. Not for the sheer joy of welcoming their friend’s first grandchild into the world (which would be great) but for the decidedly mercenary purpose of furnishing Gram’s house -top to bottom- with baby products to be used by her when the child visits or sent to the baby’s mom for her use. Really?
Yes, Really! And according to Melanie Pickle, of the website THRIVE GLOBAL they completely deserve to be spoiled given what they missed out on. “Women’s right to equality is less than fifty years old,” reminds Pickle. “ Women couldn’t invest in real estate, leverage credit, or even earn interest on bank accounts. They were trapped in domestic servitude for decades,” says Pickle.
But I’m not talking about MY grandmothers here, I’m talking about this generation of new grandmothers. My friends-women who are the newest, coolest of grandmas. The ones that are getting the parties thrown for them.
“It wasn’t until the 1980s – the decade I was born in,” (says Pickle) – “that women became competitive in the workforce. And it was still a struggle. Sexual harassment was rampant, and women were not paid equally (we still aren’t, 40 years later!). Women were passed over for raises and promotions for “family men” who had “families to take care of.”
Well, Melanie, when you put it that way, I feel a little ashamed even bringing up the topic of rewarding or not rewarding Grandma.
That said, I am still politely declining any invitation anyone might send me for the above stated purpose, okay? No offense. Baby stuff is not a huge draw for me. Perhaps it is because I do not have children and so, no matter how cute I think those babies are (much like puppies) I tend to be uninterested in celebrating them or the women who are their grandmas.
Am I going to HELL?
“Not directly,” some of my friends are thinking, I am sure. But stunningly, when I actually asked several of them, they had surprising answers about the new party practice for new grannies.
“Really offensive,” said a friend who attended one such gathering. “That was the worst party I ever went to,” she said.
Another added, “Really, they just served Cheese wiz and crackers! I am not going to a shower where the gifts are for the grandkids.”
OMG! I just checked and in the USA there is actually A National Grandparents Day. It’s slated for September 8th. (Grandchildren’s Day is May 12th). Honestly, I must get with the program! You might be surprised to learn that I do have two step-grand babies in England and they are delicious. I see them-infrequently- but when I do I bring presents and lavish attention on them. I receive timely updates about their progress and am grateful to have them in my life. But I like to see myself in a more bespoke role versus the classic Nana. Like their fairy godmother, all twinkly and fun. Named Dar-Dar, not Grand Ma. Their other grandmother, God bless her, does all the hard work – like babysitting.
The evening before I first offered to babysit for my oldest nephew I was a bit anxious and had a nightmare that I found him twirling around in the microwave. (He was waving at me and seemed content, but dreams can muddy reality, can’t they?) Understandably, once I shared this story with my sister she never again asked me to babysit. (neat result, eh?) I’ve always felt a woman should play to her strengths. Child care, clearly, is not one of mine. Unlike the “Grandmother Hypothesis” types described by Noam Shpancer, a professor of psychology at Otterbein University in Ohio. He suggests that I missed out on nature’s plan. Shpancer explained to TODAY.COM “that female menopause [actually] evolved to allow women to raise their [own] grandchildren — because if YOU can no longer bear children, YOU have more time and energy for {your} grandchildren.”
“That’s bullshit,” one of my more vocal friends -a grandmother herself -said about this evolutionary theory. “No one ever asked me to babysit, because I have no experience,” she added. Furthermore, “No one wants to be called GRANDMA anymore {either}” she said. “I’m called Mimi.”
Although change regarding the perception of grandmothers is happening, it is proceeding at a glacial pace. “Old people” bias remains, said Professor Shpancer.”We live in an ageist society that idolizes youth….as a proxy for vitality,” he noted. “Generally, as you age you lose cultural cache. But that may be changing as people are breaking the stereotypes.” Like the new grandmothers of today.
We are “following our own hopes and dreams in ways that our grandmothers never could have imagined,” says Melanie Pickle. “We can open our own bank accounts, save our own money, and go on solo adventures around the world. We can do whatever we want with our lives and don’t have to rely on anyone. So let’s do it. Let’s honor our grandmothers’ sacrifices and take control of our own destinies.”
For Pickle that means following her passions for travel, art, gaming and fun. For you it might mean getting a facelift, finding a new boyfriend or even throwing yourself a party where your friends pony up for presents – just for you, Grand Ma.
Burning Daylight 