LIFE’S NO MYSTERY

Do you any idea why skinny people are so skinny? It’s because they don’t eat anything. Or barely anything. I am not talking about poor, starving people. Rather, stylishly thin people. However the road to both waif life appearances is virtually the same. They just don’t eat much. One, of course is involuntary. The other is a deliberate act of food resistance.

For the last week I have had one of my slimmest friends visiting me. And what I saw, or didn’t see her eat was eye opening. One egg for breakfast. Barely a half sandwich for lunch. And her snack of choice?  3 Cheetos. Not three bags. Just three little processed curly cues of cheesy delight. And they thrilled her. Like the exhilaration of a common thief who never gets caught stealing. After 6 days of observing her minimalist habits I could no longer delude myself into thinking that extra poundage was due to hormonal imbalances.  She was proof positive that the answer to the age old question “Why can’t I lose weight?” was not a mysterious one.

There is very little mystery to a lot of things in life although we’d like to believe otherwise. Fading friendships?  Easier to ascribe some conspiratorial cause than to take the blame yourself. Face facts. If no one is inviting you anywhere, it’s because they don’t want to. Fix it by being a more entertaining friend.

 I thought some of the best popular advice on this subject of human interaction came from the author Greg Behrendt. In his book,  He’s Just Not That Into You, Behrendt urged relationship seeking women to read between the lines and face the facts not so deeply buried there. Behrendt’s translation when a man claims he is too “busy” to call you is as follows: “Busy” is another word for “asshole.” “Asshole” is another word for the guy you’re dating. You deserve a fcking phone call…. “If he’s not calling you, it’s because you are not on his mind. If he creates expectations for you, and then doesn’t follow through on little things, he will do same for big things,” says Behrendt.

Sometimes the truth is not as clear-cut. When I was very single I would forlornly ask my mother, “Do you think I’ll ever meet someone?” And she would respond, “Yes, when you least expect it.” I would assure her that I was honestly “least expecting it at that very moment.”  So I concentrated on other things, stopped worrying, and enjoyed myself.  My Mom was right though. I did ultimately find “the one”. There was a good chance that I might not have. But with about 3.5 Billion men on the planet the odds were clearly in my favor.

Finding a fella is not unlike finding a job. You only need one. I hear the children of friends bemoaning the state of the economy these days and the lack of good jobs. But what’s the alternative?  I worked for free before my first important employer eventually recognized I was a cheap but highly enthusiastic worker and started to pay me. Face facts. There was no magic formula in the world of job placement then and there isn’t now. It’s hard work to find work. That’s the reason it’s a 4-letter word.  It’s frustrating and it’s disappointing. Kinda like dating.

So never give up. Never give in. And be optimistic.

Like that fabulous hotel clerk, Sonny,  in the The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel who tried to soothe the sad spirits of his visitors this way.”In India we have a saying, ‘Everything will be alright in the end’… so if its not alright, it is not yet the end”….